What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You.

Tears For Fears:You have used whiteout on a pair of white loafers.

Art of Noise: You have been paid to be furniture at a party.

Pat Benatar:You have had three or more Superball bruises at one time.

Air Supply:You have punched an arcade game hard enough to injure yourself.

Eddie Money : You have eaten several Shrinky-Dinks on purpose.

Bryan Adams : Your hair smells faintly like barbecue sauce.

Dexy’s Midnight Runners : Your shower smells like Skittles and unfiltered cigarettes.

Dead or Alive : Your pet smells like Goldschlager.

Tangerine Dream : You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.

Devo : You have dissected a Nintendo game.

Simple Minds : You have tasted a scented pen.

Kajagoogoo : You have used AquaNet in self-defense.

Limahl : You have used Nair in self-defense.

Naked Eyes : You have almost been tricked into eating silly string on a saltine.

Gary Numan : You own more than one pair of sock garters.

Mike and the Mechanics : You have thrown a Rolodex at a raccoon or skunk.

Peter Gabriel : You know what Fimo tastes like.

Roxette : You have injured yourself with a Q-Tip.

Madonna : Your bedroom smells like Midori.

B-52s : Your laundry room smells like Midori.

Richard Marx : You have woken up to a dog licking your hair.

Wham! :You have made nachos while on ecstasy.

The Cure : You have several bracelets or rings you cannot remove.

Berlin : The last book you read used “countenance” as a verb.

This Mortal Coil : You know the act, scene and line that “this mortal coil” comes from.

Billy Idol : You own a piece of clothing that involves both argyle and leather.

Robert Palmer : You have used “argyle” as a verb.

Tommy Tutone : You have attempted to use a Polaroid picture as an ID.

Rick Astley : You have used a hairnet as a handbag.

Bangles c: You have chewed gum while delivering a keynote speech or eulogy.

Psychedelic Furs : You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning.

The English Beat : You have injured yourself while doing the Electric Slide.

General Public : You have injured yourself while doing the Centipede.

Madness : You have injured several bystanders while doing the Centipede.

Men at Work : You wear shorts with boots at least once a week.

Eurythmics : You have lost a mood ring in a hot tub.

The Smiths : You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.

Joy Division : You have been bitten by a cat while trying to dress it in period costume.

New Order : You own several fish tanks but no fish.

A Flock of Seagulls : You have destroyed a calculator watch in anger.

Men Without Hats : You have accidentally dropped a pager into a tub of frozen yogurt.

Nena : You have put a cigarette out in a piece of birthday cake.

John Cougar Mellencamp: You have put a cigarette out in an
industrial-sized jar of relish.

Loverboy : You have eaten relish as a meal.

Rick Springfield : Your wallet weighs over a pound.

Falco : You have killed a fly with a program from Cats.

Michael Jackson : You have exploded a beanbag chair by landing on it.

Huey Lewis and the News : You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures.

The Police : You have shattered a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Sting : You have tried and failed to shatter a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Big Country : You have a Highlander poster in a tube in the back of your closet.

Soft Cell : You mouth the words when you watch Highlander.

A-ha: You own a VCR with a copy of Highlander stuck in it.

Survivor : You have cut a Nerf football in half to see what was inside.

INXS : You have knocked someone over with an Aerobie.

Thomas Dolby : You have used a laserdisc as a shaving mirror.

Pet Shop Boys : You have woken up next to an empty bottle of Magic Shell.

Mr. Mister: You have forgotten soup in the freezer and ice cream in the microwave on the same night.

Wang Chung : You have a money clip with an amusement park logo printed on it.

Bauhaus : You know what LARPing is.

OMD : You have gone to a party dressed as a dark elf.

Culture Club : You have woken up under someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Ministry : You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Cocteau Twins : You have spilled Zima on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Toni Basil : You have spilled Zima into a motel heating vent.

The Pointer Sisters : You dot your i’s with hearts.

The Pretenders : You are excellent at dodgeball.

ABC : You were one of the first ten people in history to drop a cell phone in a toilet.

Lionel Richie : You have shaved a word into your hair.

The Cars : You have hit a whiffle ball with a fake lightsaber.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood : You have woken up under your high school gym teacher.

Joan Jett: You have woken up on top of your high school gym teacher.

Simply Red : You have temporarily blinded someone by whipping your hair into them.

Europe : You think Europe is Asia.

Asia : You think Asia is Europe.

REM : You minored in something.

Cyndi Lauper : You have lost several silk scarves to escalators.

Starship : You consistently pay for extra cheese at Subway.

The Fixx : You have sunbathed in a suit.

Phil Collins : You have worn shorts while accepting an award or diploma.

Go-Go’s : Your favorite air freshener is Vanillaroma.

Bananarama : Your favorite air freshener is New Car.

Prince : You have used a hamster ball as a cocktail shaker.

Depeche Mode : You have drawn Tintin or the Little Prince in the margin of a math test.

Erasure : You have been caught kissing a copy of The Little Prince.

Thompson Twins : You have been spanked with a copy of The Little Prince.

Human League : You have been spanked with a VHS copy of The Neverending Story.

The Clash : Your safety word is “Nicaragua.”

Grace Jones : Your safety word is forty-seven syllables long.

Brian Eno : Your safety word is “10011101.”

Duran Duran : Your safety word is “Kim Wilde.”

Kim Wilde : You have forgotten your safety word.

-By John Peck

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